Today is a bad day again. My hands are blossoming like some kind of disgusting garden. Yesterday was good, but the parts that healed are peeling off and revealing red, spotty skin underneath (again).
More than that, it's the mental anguish that comes along - worry about what colleagues think of my gross shedding hands and piles of skin that fall on my table, the dead skin that clings on to my clothes and look like dandruff flakes. Basically judging me for being a gross person. I am constantly going back to my breath, trying to be mindful and in the moment which i know will help, but is so difficult to do.
So many fears are slowly growing in my mind. So many conflicting thoughts. I have tsw. I don't have tsw. This rash is spreading because of tsw. This rash is spreading because of the tcm treatment. I will recover. I won't recover. See what i mean? I feel like I'm being pulled in so many directions by my thoughts.
Anyway, this brings me back to the buddhist teachings that i hold so dearly to my heart. And i keep going back to them to keep myself sane. Maybe I'll talk about that one day.
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